“Take the world, but give me Jesus
In His cross my trust shall be
Til, with clearer, brighter vision
Face to face my Lord I see!”
-Ascend The Hill
Leaving my position as youth pastor at a church was the best decision I could have made 5 years ago for my mental health and my future, so that is exactly what I did. I left to move to another city and eventually marry my fiance. What I also didn’t realize at the time was that God would soon shatter me and slowly remold and remake me into what he wanted me to be all along.
My wife and I have both been extremely hurt by the church. It’s funny to even say that, but that is the amount of power we have given to people. I am not at all against the church as a whole, especially the biblical church as outlined in Acts 2. I am however extremely against what we have made church in present day. The funny thing is, that I was a part of the problem for many years.
Almost none of the kids that I worked with and discipled are living for Jesus anymore and that absolutely terrifies me. Not a day goes by that I don’t question what I did wrong, or could have done better. All of the special events, services, teachings and effort I put into my time as a youth pastor, all fell short of changed lives.
As most of my peers my age have been “deconstructing” and leaving the church and turning their back on God in large numbers, I just can’t. In my darkest of struggles I have looked for every reason to turn my back on God, yet his word and truth remain the same and unchanged. Instead of deconstructing, I have started what I like to call “reconstructing.” I have been tearing down what is not of God in my life, all of the unnecessary trash that I once thought christianity should be, and only putting back what is biblically true. Casting all of my feelings and cares aside, to only worship the one true God.
We are kind of in between churches right now. Praying for God to lead us to one that we are meant to work with and attend. We just want to be where we are suppose to be. I believe that church and community are essential to a relationship with God, but I also believe that not every church is a reflection of biblical expectations. That is why I believe it has been difficult for us to connect with a church, maybe our expectations are too high. But I know God will point us to where we are meant to be.
I guess I just want to encourage you, if you are going through something similar. You are not alone. God is Sovereign!