I remember begging God over and over for the health of my Mom. I prayed by myself, I prayed with friends, and even strangers prayed with me for her. I remember late nights crying about the uncertainty of the future, as if it were happening at this very moment. Those feelings and that hurt never leave you. I prayed that my Mom would be delivered from the cancer that was consuming her body, but it never happened.
One night out of frustration, confusion, anger, and weakness; I posted the following post on Facebook:
Exactly six days later, on my birthday, Jesus took her home, gave her a new body, and made her better. God answered the wrong prayer.
We are approaching three years since my Mom went to Heaven. Three years without the physical outpouring of love from a motherly being. All I have left of her are pictures and the life lessons she taught me, like, “make right choices”, and that I should treat people with kindness even if they don’t show it back, and that every once in awhile is okay to just lay in bed, talk to Jesus, and cry for no reason.
Sometimes the fact that God answered that prayer still haunts me. What if I had never posted that on Facebook? What if I had never said that prayer?
When we flew down for the funeral, the church where here body rested, which is my home church, was overflowing with people. It was so crowded that people were having to stand just to be able to attend her service. The church was full with friends, loved ones, and hundreds of people whose lives she had impacted. People who were away from Christ came back to him, through the death of my Mom. God used my worst nightmare to breathe life into people who had wandered away from him.
The answered “wrong prayer” was used by God to make wrong things right. To reconcile lost people to himself. In a similar way that God used the death of Jesus to reconcile us to him, while we were yet sinners. My Mom? She’s currently in heaven worshipping Jesus. Me? I’m just trying to make her proud.
The hurt never goes away, but neither does her memory. She will always be in my heart helping me navigate through life with the lessons she taught me and the love she poured into me.