I will be thirty years old in two months …and I’d be lying if I didn’t say that it scares the crap, mess, hell, living daylights (or whatever else could possibly go there) out of me. I have never ever had an official girlfriend. Mostly because of the four relationships I’ve had, none of them wanted to make it public that they were with me. Not throwing myself a pity party, but it sucks to have a girl want to be with you (albeit not for a super long time) and not want anyone to know. Maybe because they were embarrassed because of my looks. Maybe because they were embarrassed of my job or car. Maybe because they were embarrassed of me in general.
The last girl I “talked” to, that I never actually dated, messed me up so bad that I started having panic attacks, and really low self esteem, and depressive thoughts about my self. Let me repeat… I let a freaking girl mess me up to the point that I started having panic attacks.
The one thing that all five of those girls have in common is… They drew me away from my purpose in God, and that made me try to find my worth in pleasing them. Now, I’m not here to blame it all on them. I made plenty of mistakes myself, and because of that, I didn’t contribute to making anything last. I tend to be very selfish and jealous in relationships. It’s a down fall I struggled with, but I have overcome. As I’m sure that most of those girls have over come their shallowness and evil ways. (=P)
Here’s my point. We live in a society that says that it’s not okay to be single. That you have to be dating someone, or talking to someone, or in a relationship with someone, or you are failing at life. My dad always taught me that it’s not okay just to date around, that if you aren’t after a girl with the purpose of meeting her down the aisle, and joining her in marriage, then there is no point in dating her. I was foolish to think that some of those girls would be the girl that I end up marrying.
So if you are single right now, know that God has someone in store for you! You don’t have to go looking around, or dating every guy or girl that comes your way hoping they are “The One”. Know that God is going to open the door at the right time, in the right moment, right when you need him or her.
As for me… Things are Looking up. I met a girl who shows me love and compassion like Jesus would. She sets me straight in my rough times, and encourages me when I need it. She isn’t embarrassed of me at all (Hallelujah! Thank you, Jesus!). She wants to minister along side of me. And build a relationship that is only founded on the love of Christ. We pray together every night, and talk about what God is showing us all the time. She is everything I could have asked God for, and more. It just took me way longer to find her than I hoped.
So don’t stress! Hang in there!