I’ve had some pretty crappy recent years. The passing of my beautiful mother ushered me into a really dark time in my life. Even though I have coped well with her passing, and am super optimistic that I’ll see her again, because I will. The past few years have been heavy on my shoulders. Battles with lonliness and depression, and my most recent best friends; anxiety and panic attacks.
Even through my darkest, I have never once doubted God. Questioned his motives? Absolutely! But I have never doubted him. I never will. I’ve had the questions about: “Aren’t you a Christian? Christians don’t go through those kinds of things!” Oh how I wish that were true. He never promised that we wouldn’t go through hard times, just that he would be there with us when we did.
“You will have suffering in this world. Be courageous! I have conquered the world.” John 16:33
A few nights ago I had this dream. I was on top of a building that seemed to be miles high. I was standing on the ledge looking down. I felt so much pressure pushing me to fall, and I heard voices in whispers telling me to fall. Which would have ended in my immediate death. But I was not going to give in, I was standing my ground. All of the sudden I heard a voice, it sounded different than the others, it was deep, stern and confident. “Stephen, don’t worry, I’m here.” It said. Right then my legs gave out and I fell. Right away I felt arms catch me and lower me to the ground.
Too many times we hear so many voices, that they start to drown out God’s voice. Voices that tell us we will never be good enough, that God can’t hear us at our darkest. It takes Him to step in and say “Hey, I know you don’t want to fall, but you are so close to falling right now, just let me carry you.”
If you are a Christian, and you are in a dark place. Know that God is not done with you yet, he has plenty ahead for you. Hold on, and listen for his voice.