Awake

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I have officially self diagnosed myself with insomnia.

About four years ago, I started having trouble sleeping. I could shut everything off, the TV, my tablet, my phone and anything else that could distract me, and still wouldn’t be able to sleep for hours at night. It’s been off and on the past several years. Sometimes I get to sleep right when I turn the tv off, other times I will be up for hours. Just thinking about things.

I decided to run my own three night experiment.  The last three nights I shut my tv off at 10 p.m. Which is way earlier than I normally would. Those three nights I went to sleep past 1 a.m. At least a total of 9 hours where I had all distractions off, but just couldn’t sleep. As I thought back on those three nights, I remembered some of the things I thought about.

Here are some:

-My Mom
-My Dad
-My Niece and Nephews
-My Poetry
-Future Jobs
-Future Wife
-Youth Ministry
-Moving
-Going On Tour (Hook me up!)
-Mission Trip Next Year
-Making A Documentary
-Finishing My EP
-Filming Videos For Recorded Poems
-This Girl I’m Really Into
-Upcoming Concerts
-Rocktoberfest (Can’t wait!)
-Starting A Pop-Punk Band
-Going Out For Coffee With Friends
-Wanting Chocolate Cake
-Realizing There Was No Cake
-Wanting To Just Get In My Car And Drive
-Realizing I Have No Money For Gas Until My Next Paycheck
-Wishing I Was A Better Friend
-Wishing I Had A More Stable Job
-Praying For Peace In My Heart
-Praying For A Stable Job
-Praying For My Future
-Praying For My Future Wife
-Praying For This Girl I’m Really Into
-Praying For All Of The Stuff I Want To Do
-Praying For Friends And Family
-Praying For Cake? (Nah, I can just make some later)

I guess I realized that I have a lot on my plate right now. I also realized that I want change really bad. I also noticed even more so than I thought, that I worry a lot. But through all of that it became more clear that God is in control. Because after thinking about the things on my heart,  I prayed for those very things. Maybe my not being able to sleep, is a gift God has given me. A chance to figure out what I need/want to change, before it’s too late. His sovereignty is more important than my sleepless nights. I’d go through this every night if it means he is in control.

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